Super Human Moments: Guessing Game
Everyone has had them: moments when things have gone wrong partly because of our own lack of experience or perspective. In this new series of posts, I'm asking members of the UMBC community to reflect on their own 'super human moments.'
Name: Richard Blissett
Q: What is your current title (job or student organization position)?
A: SGA Executive Vice President, Major Inspiration Director
Q: In 12 words or less, what role(s) do you play on campus?
A: I hope to improve ways for people to discover who they are.
Q: What title would you give your Super Human Moment?
A: The Guessing Game
Q: What happened?
A: One of my greater strengths, and one of my biggest weaknesses, is my ability and tendency to rationalize everything. On the positive side, I think it helps me think about difficult issues from both sides of the situation. On the negative side, and this is where it gets me in trouble, it sometimes makes it harder for me to truly empathize with people. It's hard to listen when all you're doing is trying to process every angle of a situation, and it's harder to get at the deeper meaning of things if you spend all your time looking at possibilities and never taking the time to understand what the truth is.
I had a friend in high school with whom I used to be relatively close. We met through a mutual friend and ended up talking a lot because of our shared experiences and common interests. He was one grade level younger than me (though we were only a few days apart in age), so in many ways, I often played the role of "slightly older" mentor who had at least gone through one more year of the jungle that is high school. One day, almost unprompted, he decided to share something with me. I won't go into details about what it was, but I will say that it was something where I was fairly certain that I was the first person he had told. However, given this, he didn't specify anything directly, and really left a lot up to imagination. My brain exploded. In about 30 seconds, I started spewing from the mouth any and all possible responses to any and all possible interpretations of what he had said. He nodded, not saying much, and then the conversation ended there. I even spent the next few days thinking about it, not really getting at the truth of what he, my friend, was feeling, but trying my best to label and organize every dimension of the situation.
I switched schools at the end of that year, and I never talked to him again, and we honestly didn't talk that much after that conversation. I created for myself a million and a half reasons why, but I didn't bother to really think about it. Now, six years later, what he was going through is very clear to me. One of my original speculations had even been right, but I had let it slide in favor of being "open" to many possibilities. If I had just thought for a second about him as a person, instead of him as an interesting subject, I would have easily been able to connect with him. Six years later, I realize that I never really listened to him, and that I just processed without understanding. Knowing him, I'm sure he did alright. Still, I wonder what would have happened if, instead of as a logician, I had been there for him as a friend.
Q: How have you applied what you learned?
A: People are, well, people, and I think that's the biggest thing I have come to understand from this. People have feelings, emotions, fears, joys, and everything else, all of which are not as easily fit into an algorithm as some might like to think. It's a constant goal of mine, getting better at this. I've come to terms with the fact that I may not ever understand what every person is like on the inside, but I do now appreciate and try to emulate those people that show that they at least try. I've come to admire people who are able to think about situations, but also able to interact with them in a personal way, showing that they too are people and can at least connect on that level. I'm still growing, and I still sometimes struggle with this. In my own reflection, however, I have come a long way in that I can recognize when it happens, and then I can work to fix it.
Q: Do you have any advice you can pass along to others?
A: Private variables don't only exist in computer science. People aren't just like open books, and sometimes the difference between listening and empathizing is the difference between being a robot and being a friend.
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Posted: February 1, 2011, 8:12 AM